This has been an interesting week. I had several opportunities to try out my NA skills in public. We went to the lake to visit the French's and that went well. Nobody really cared about what I was drinking. I am sure they assumed I was drinking alcohol. When I asked, I said, "No. I have to drive home." It felt good to be able to allow the kids to stay longer and hang out because I knew I would be sober and the drive in the dark would be fine. I would say usually, but there are very few times I have to drive home at night from that type of gathering. I will say many times when we are out visiting, I will be drunk and tired and ready to go home early. Why? Well... it gets boring without alcohol stirring me up. When everything wears off, I am bored and tired. Not this time. I was tired the whole day. After going tubing, I went out to the floating dock and floated around with my eyes closed. I just needed to be still. That was day 3. It was also a little stressful because the last time with them, I was drunk and talking trash about men having every opportunity and raping women. Basically, my point was that men had abused their God-given command to govern over women by raping, abusing, and assaulting their charges.
So...on to day 4
Campbell and I drove home in the dark, around several lakes that would have been beautiful in the light. We got home, unpacked, and headed up to bed, not to sleep. I was up later than usual because I had coffee. With all of that energy, I started reading Byron Katie's, "Loving What Is." It is about doing "The Work." Finally, about 11:00, I went to sleep. That is when the fatigue began. I did not sleep well Monday night, then up late after the lake, and waking up tired on Wednesday. I had to get Campbell to work, so I had breakfast and kept moving.
75 Hardy Har Har
Well my real #1 goal is to be alcohol free. Additionally, I want to do all the healthy things, but I am not stressing about it. I started this round with cutting back on alcohol and increasing my awareness of just how much I was drinking. I think that alone took me from 14 or more drinks a day, to a bottle a night (5). That was a start. Then on day 11 I had a fight with Tucker, Day 12 I felt like shit and had 8 drinks one which Campbell told me tasted awful and I had to agree. The next day? DONE. I like seeing the journey.
After the lake we had 2 days in Fryeburg while Campbell was working at Penguin. Friday morning, we packed up our things, and headed to Lincoln, so she could work at Gypsy. I was still so exhausted. I ended up heading to bed early. Day 7-My body was feeling good enough to allow me to run 5 miles. Plus a cool down mile with Ripper. Tucker was home from work, and we both just read and did work out on the porch enjoying the beautiful cool breeze. Saturday night we had dinner with Dave and Helen plus her brother's family. It was fun. I admit I was nervous because I did not know what to order to drink, I was very tired, and I did not bring any nice clothes. I tried to call La Vista to see if they had NA wines or mocktails, but no answer. I decided I would have an espresso and see what followed. They ended up having an alcohol removed prosecco that was very tasty. Tucker and I split a delicious seafood stew, tirimisu and bread. Not a total off the wagon meal. At the end of the night after Helen had had a few Cosmopolitans, she kept telling me I needed a drink. It was fine because I knew I did not want one.
Here I am at the end of Day 8 ready to take on another week. This week we have Monday travel to FA, Tuesday to Portland for wisdom teeth extraction, Wednesday take care of Tucker and prep for our MOS meeting. Thursday meeting. Tucker asked me if I was doing 75 Hard. I said, "Not really." I guess it is a bit soft. I am not sure what to say. Am I done with alcohol forever? I suppose I should be considering all the problems it has caused. But like that toxic boyfriend, after time away, he doesn't look so bad.
Reading
Loving What Is by Byron Katie
Daybook daily reading
Bible Matthew
Alcohol Experiment
Audiobooks
Living AF by Annie Grace
The Easy Way by Allen Carr
12 Smart Things to do When the Booze and Drugs are Gone
Poly vagal reset-I read a little about this and the analogy of a stop sign but I have the whole book to work through. I really need something fictional to read or listen to.
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