DESCRIBE A TYPICAL DAY OR WEEK IN YOUR LIFE WHEN IT COMES
TO ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION. HOW OFTEN DO YOU DRINK, AND IN
WHAT SITUATIONS OR SETTINGS?
When I was drinking, let's pick during the winter, I would get up and take the kids to the mountain, come home clean the kitchen and walk/run with the dogs, then I would have lunch with a glass or two of wine. Then it was time to go back to the mountain around 1. Bring Campbell home and have her do some school work. Then around 4 it would be time for dinner and more wine. A few glasses with dinner and then another couple with a show. At 8:30-9 we would head upstairs and go to bed. Many days I would not change my clothes. One year, probably during covid, it occurred to me that winter was like a long camping trip. Everyday is a monotonous slugfest with very little joy. Once in a while the wine would make me happy and I would dance in the basement. Usually on those nights I wanted to keep the happy feelings coming, so I would inevitably drink too much. Wine was usually a safe drink. I could drink 2 bottles in a day and be ok, maybe cranky and maybe I would have an angry melt down because I am miserable with my life and the choices I have made and the things that happened to me that I did not have a choice about.
Workout resources
Total_Body_Kettlebell_Program_for_Beginners_March2024.pdf (mcusercontent.com)
I have been thinking about Tucker and our past. His emotional outbursts are the type of response that are connected with PTSD or trauma in general. I don't really know what to do other than take the first step. To open up to him about my trauma and my apology about what I did to him while I was in an emotional break down. It is hard to confront the things that I did to him. Then I wonder about whether his brother hurt him. I know there was tension and nasty words said by Cannon. He continues to say stuff about him.
Today is a better day so far. Tucker shot out of the gate and made a mistake that took all his speed away but is still sitting in 11 and 7th U16. He saw the run clearly and was happy about it after taking 2 weeks off for Lacrosse. I have been thinking that he is just overwhelmed right now and he has to figure out what he needs and wants to do. If he does what he wants in this moment of stress, he will quit lacrosse. And that is ok. But if this is just temporary, then he will want to suffer through a little bit and then reap the rewards of being with the team for the season at games which is the fun stuff. My prayer is that God would come into Tucker's heart and give him comfort. That Tucker would be able to handle the emotions with grace and humility. I am still working on that.
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