Almost 40 days!

 I am still doing the work. 32 days and I am still in the game. There have been several close calls that a purist might say disqualify me from 75hard but I don't think so...for starters I have had dark chocolate, syrup, and honey. They are all part of my diet and not a treat or cheat. I am not eating fast food, fried food, or most gluten. I eat Ezekial bread but even that is one of the things I am considering abandoning for a week or two along with dairy to see if there are any changes in the way I feel. That is a next week thing. 

As for week 5, it is going well. Tomorrow is day 5 and we will be busy in the morning with soccer and then yard work for the afternoon. I do miss having a drink to look forward to, or happy hour snacks and a drink but I also like my reading time and journal time. I still have not gotten into a groove. 

Wow...time is flying it is now day 39-Friday May 19. 

Tucker has been struggling with frustration and anger issues since ski season. Looking back it has been for a long time that he has had this frustration with himself for not being perfect I guess or achieving what he wants. It results in outbursts, dropping his head, and ultimately quitting or wanting to quit. The most recent episode happened yesterday. He left practice in huff, broke a stick, punched something, and said "I'm done." This is something he has done for as long as I can remember. When he is done, he just shuts down. He shuts down. Lately Tucker has been working with him to get him to take a break and then return to the thing to try again. Relaxing expectations does not seem to work. He has this elusive ideal that he MUST obtain, or he feels like a failure, I guess. He won't really talk to anyone. 

The last thing I heard yesterday was that Tucker was going to hang with his friends. I sent Tucker 2 long text messages today but did not get anything back. Then he called at 3:30 while I was at the vet, I called back soon after but he said he couldn't talk. Then he called again at 5ish. I just started at the phone not wanting to deal with bad news. I am trying not to, but I feel like a failure. Two boys and both had these horrible struggles. I used to think that I knew a thing or two.