1989...the 80's were coming to a close...my high school years which had been one big blur full of enough nonsense to kill anyone. I was fully prepared for college since I had been raised by Judy Blume, VC Andrews, and other notorious authors who taught me all about love and romance. My experience with sex was one of manipulation and just getting it over with...there wasn't any appeal to the actual act other than the playful flirting that got me into situations I could not handle. I mean if anything happens, I could just get an abortion...Afterall abortions are a quick and easy solution that absolves men of any wrongdoing or any responsibility. At that time, I had not contemplated the morality of abortion. It was just a procedural solution to a problem, and I was a problem solver.
When I was 15, I lost my virginity at a graduation party. I liked Bill, but I did not know how to handle my feelings and acting aloof like I just used him seemed to be the best way to handle the situation. It had always been that way...pretend you don't care and just respond with "I don't care" or "so what?" It is the perfect deflection for big emotions and true feelings. A friend asks and you just tell them you don't care and they believe you. There wasn't any of this psycho stuff. You just got on with life and found another guy. Actually I had been drinking and I had no business staying the night with him. The circumstances surrounding that night are a mystery to me. This would be a common theme in my life.
My image was not chiseled. There wasn't a plan for me. God placed me in a family and then let me go.
I was a child of the 70s. One of the first generations to have divorced parents. It always hurt me. I hated it. I did not like growing up without my dad in our house and when we visited him there was always
The speaker yelled out. "Freshman FUCK week." She seemed to enjoy screaming "FUCK WEEK" and I guess her intention was to warn us about the impending hunt, but why didn't she shut down Greek activity since fraternities were the grounds for the hunt?
Mom let me read VC Andrews and Judy Blume she thought Super Fudge was great but it quickly went into Wifey, I must have been in 6th grade when I read it who let me do that? It was the liberal bookmobile, Fuck those assholes. I don't know how else I would have gotten the book... mom bought me all of the VC Andrews stuff. By that time she was busy with Kacey and not interested in monitoring everything I was up to. I loved it at the tome
I remember many things being sexualized. I was next to dad when he was having sex and I threw up. I held it in and swallowed it. But what made me think that it
I can't be upset about Tucker missing practice and the race today. Had I known his
we had been conditioned in the opening activities. We were told that it would be freshman fuck week. Say it now...freshman fuck week. Ok, We got it everyone will be looking to fuck us. And when it happened it was just fruition of the expectation and that led me to fall slapp at the party on a pile of coats and the ngoing to the nurse who told me that I did not have the flu ebut it was pregnancy and as guiack as I coul di wel tto ohio to get rid of the probelm
No comments:
Post a Comment