Saturday we celebrated Tucker's birthday. It was a fun day. Campbell's soccer team beat the MWV West team (Profile and LW players). Of course, I love to see us beat both of them. I think the parents of the LW kids are assholes. People like Heather Krill, Mandy Avery, and Jasmine. I don't mind Renee, I just don't talk with any of them.
One thing is that my kids will never be fat, or lazy, or dumb
I feel like a failure. The reason I wanted to leave then and now and every other time in my life is because of imposter syndrome, I guess. Although I did not know the word, it is exactly what I feel. Then there is borderline personality syndrome where you swerve between, I hate you and I love you, you're the best and you're the worst.
In my life, I am most happy when I am successful and useful. Running, swimming, coaching, athletic training, teaching, running the winter term, even homeschooling and seeing the kids succeed made me feel valuable. Over the past
Borderline personality-you hurt the other person in an attempt to keep your distance so you can leave them before they leave you. Intimacy causes pain because it requires you to let your guard down.
Since losing winter term and especially the following year when the kids returned to school, I have felt useless. In an attempt to find something useful to do I took it upon myself to research the effects of masks on learning. I got involved in board meetings and made this my hill to die on. So I made enemies of people in town, all liberals and useful idiots, same with Kacey, Sheri, and Nancy.
It is time for me to get to work. Maybe going to work for Dave is the antidote to my misery. Remaining alcohol free and being useful
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